Adventures in Mexico

Mexico is a culture of apodos, or nicknames. These nicknames are not like Honey or Smiley, but more antagonistic like Chato (smooshed face, nose or stubby), Sapo (frog, for your friends with protruding eyes) or Conejo (rabbit, which is acceptable for anyone who has ever had buck teeth even if retainers and braces corrected the condition decades ago). And, of course, in every family, there is a Gordo/a a Fatty, male or female, who even after years of maintaining an acceptable body weight by passing on the tortillas has this name as his/her destiny. We from the U.S.--who skirt the truth with euphemisms like vertically challenged for short--are often appalled by this practice. I ask people repeatedly, "You just called her fat and she didn't get offended at all?" They reassure me, "We've called her Fatty for years; it's more her name than Ana is. You Americans are hypersensible (hypersensitive).

Then I will agree. Logically it makes sense. We are too sensitive and we can't handle the truth. But somehow, five minutes after this conversation, I go back to my old hypersensible way of thinking. Is it just me? Is it cultural? I wonder. I reflect on my experiences at my local tianguis (market) where I am a regular. I think about the vendors; one day they call me Linda (beautiful), another Flaca (skinny) and yet another Gorda (fat). On  Linda days, I wonder, should I take the hint and wear my hair like this more often? On Flaca days, should I buy oranges to avoid looking wasted and scurvy-like? And on Gorda days, should I skip the guacamole stand entirely? I am befuddled.

I find myself equally perplexed with positive feedback. My friend and his family like to give me "compliments." I put them entre comillas, in parentheses, because these are never so straightforward and always make me take pause.

"Oh, so nice to see you!" They will say. "You look so much less tired and wrinkled than the last time." Or "Wow! Your haircut makes your body look less large and misshapen than before!" or "Wow, somehow your face looks less horse-like than the last time!" There is always a last time. You wonder what this time's last time is going to be. Yes, you think, you have resolved the hair issue, but what about the visible panty line, lipstick choice, width of your hips. What, you wonder are they noticing for next time that you will somehow resolve acceptably?

I am perplexed by this method of complimenting. Should I just take the compliment and selectively ignore the last time comparison? Should I understand that my Mexican friends are more vigilant and will always watch for the instances when I have food in my teeth, look tired or don't have moisturized lips? Or should I just accept that I will never be perfect? I guess this statement is the most true. In this way, my Mexican friends are just being honest and I, again, am just being hypersensible. That's just the honest truth and I can accept it for at least five minutes!